CFZ Lake and Sea Monsters: THAT Loch Ness announcement

Well, so the research team headed by renowned New Zealand scientist Prof. Neil Gemmell has finally published their findings. They have been teasing the media and the general public for months saying that their sampling of water from the lake, and the subsequent testing for DNA have produced the most accurate report yet of the fauna of loch Ness. They then said that whilst they have disproved most of the theories behind the Loch Ness monster, one theory remains plausible.

Of course newspapers around the world have taken that to mean that they have proved the existence of the Loch Ness monster. Well, they haven’t. What they have done is disprove several of the theories, although two of those aforementioned theories were totally ludicrous in the first place. Therefore, the news that there are no giant sharks or prehistoric reptiles living in Loch Ness is about as impressive as my announcement today that there are no giraffes living in my garden. The announcement that they found no DNA from European catfish or from Sturgeon is far more interesting, because both of those were quite plausible candidates for the identity of the Loch Ness monster.

The announcement that there are eels living in Loch Ness is no surprise to anyone. They have been living there, and everyone has known that they were living there for a long long time. Therefore, my and Richard’s theory that the Loch Ness monster, if it exists, has to be a giant eel, comes as no surprise, especially to Me and Richard. Although, some quite impressive footage of what does appear to be a giant eel surfaced this week from the webcam of the Ness District Salmon Fisheries Board, and apart from the synchronicity of this turning up within days of Professor Gemmell’s announcement, this does lend weight to the giant eel theory.

Jon Downes